GRIEF WRITING

GRIEF WRITING – J.R.Poulter

What is Grief Writing and Why it is useful:

Grief writing is a tool, one tool among many to use -

·      as a coping mechanism,

·      as a survival mechanism, 

·      as a release

·      as a celebration of a life lost or a trauma survived. 

It is a means of coming to terms with traumatic events – death, dying as with the eating, gradual death of cancer, loss, suicide, disappearance as when a loved one goes missing, injury and disablement.

It can be a path out of depression and through the ocean of seemingly insurmountable grief.

The saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ applies in all instances involving grief and trauma.  Sharing with someone you know and trust is important. If no access to such a person or to counseling is available, grief writing will help you exteriorise, unburden, cope.  

A bit about my own background and how writing has helped me:

My relationship as a child and young person with my mother was a role reversal. My mother suffered deep-seated depression caused by very severe, sustained sibling abuse, throughout her very traumatic childhood. At certain times of year, depression took over. I was confidante and comforter. This started when I was about 4 years old. Writing quickly became my survival tool. Who are you going to confide in when it is your mother who is the one heaping on the emotional and psychological burdens? I confided in prayers and in my writing.

“Mending Lucille”, my book that won the Crichton in 2009, grew partially out of my experiences with my own family. My mother never left physically, but from an emotional standpoint, from a mothering standpoint, she was never able to be there for me. My father tried but he had suffered too, a nervous breakdown after World War II that was directly related to his war time experiences as a bomber pilot and calculatingly self-obsessed parents who sent him to boarding school almost from the start of primary.

My first writings were plays that I put on with the neighbourhood children. Friends an relatives were the audience. Later came poetry, later still children’s books and books for education and, more recently, short stories. I am teaching myself script writing.

How to use Grief Writing:

1.                 Journaling –

Keys to get started -

·      Collage Key - Letting it go, letting it flow – cut words that relate to you, to your situation out of a magazine or newspaper. Take a large sheet of paper – butcher’s paper or newspaper off-cut and colour large blobs of colour/or paint/ or paste scraps of coloured paper. Paste the cut out words on the colour that matches for you. This is important - let your feelings dictate here, not your knowledge of the word, definitions of the word or anything else. For example – tears can be ‘red’ or ‘gray’ or ‘blue’ or ‘white’ or whatever colour speaks to you NOW as relating to that word.

·      Stream of Consciousness - With those words as stimuli, put pen to paper/fingers to keyboard with stream of consciousness writing. This means putting pen to paper and just writing  - all your feelings, thoughts, fears, doubts, memories. Do not worry about punctuation, spelling or grammar - just write. If writing is too daunting straight off, then speak your feelings into a recorder then transcribe.

Later, can be minutes to months later – go back, read it, punctuate, edit grammar. Then read it out loud or have someone close to you read it. This step helps place the anguish beyond you, outside of you, helps you to see where you are in the context of what you are experiencing with more clarity. It gives perspective, enables grater objectivity. It helps you see how far your have moved from hurt to healing.  It also acts as a reference point for further writing.

·      Memories & Memorabilia - Collect together memorabilia of your life as it was impacted by the person and / or event that is the focal point of your grief. Write down words that strongly connect you to the person/event. Write down words that describe those words.

Collect together memorabilia of anything ‘good’ / life affirming, anything that helped sustain you through the grieving process. Write down the words, descriptions of any images, that most strongly connect you to the person or event that is the source of your grief.

2.                 Affirmation –

Redo the stream of consciousness step with memorabilia around you and fresh in mind, then shape the resulting writing into a prose piece or poem. Turn it into a Poster Poem by illustrating it with photographs, craft work, collage or your own drawings.

Journal a piece that encapsulates where you are now and what lies ahead that you hope for. Thank those who have helped you survival thus far.

Keep all your poems or prose pieces together and periodically review them. This is your journey in writing.

3.                 Forgiveness

Forgive others their part objective or subjective; forgive yourself your part objective or subjective. Releasing yourself and others enables you to move on with your life, to move to the next stage of writing. This in NO WAY negates what has happened to cause your grief in the first place. This in NO way negates the  abuser’s culpability. This step will enable you to more effectively, one day, reach out and help others.

4.                 The Craft of Writing

Think of the sound words make and the images they evoke – words like ‘cut’, ‘hack’ are not gentle in sound or meaning. Words like ‘snow’ and ‘grass’ have a flow to them that suggests covering.

Try using poetic devices like onomatopoeia [sound echoing sense, e.g., feathery soft, the eider down settled] and simile [this is like that, e.g., fleece white as snow], metaphor [saying this is that, e.g., the gold-haired sun] or transferred epithet [giving human characteristics to inanimate  objects or nonhuman life forms e.g., the door stubbornly stuck fast] in your writing to add impact. 

Use haiku – the traditional three-line Japanese verse form of 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables - to tighten and focus your expression. Not one word is wasted in haiku.

Read what you have written out loud. Your ear will sense where the flow of your writing needs to be smoothed further or perhaps to be interrupted, punctuated to create shorter sentences for added dramatic effect.

Collect your writings together into a folder and  desktop them into a keepsake booklet.  Microsoft Publisher, Open Office drawing; Star Office Presentation; or Swift Printfolio  or PageMaker are all  options if you have a computer. Illustrate your writings with memorabilia, photographs, sketches, snippets from  magazines and newspapers, cards and so on.

Two examples from my own writing – my eldest son lost three friends within 18 months in horror road crashes.

Field Surgeon Remembering, [in Small Packages]

From his garden, he hears young men prowl in their cars,

Arms captured in a circling crush,

Hears their music blasting,

Down the stethoscope the beat is strong.

They U with screaming rubber.

He begins again, the third time tonight, the needle circling.

The metal cut deep in. The wound is sutured over staying the scar.

He wonders, from his garden, if the tank tracks are

Still there, snailing among the rosy flesh.

He remembers the bodies and how he stitched

Deliberate tank tracks across the skin,

The needle circling, the thread drawing torn flesh together.

He thinks, “there is no perfect rose.”

Slaughter House Road   by J.R.McRae [in Speed Poets]

Ten miles down

Slaughterhouse Road,

A cemetery -

Three crosses with their plastic flowers

Here

On the home run.

John,

The steering wheel

Crushing his sternum to spine,

Marie,

With glass shards 

Through her jugular,

And little Daisy,

Thrown

Three meters into the tall grass,

Dying for 24 hours before

Joe, 

On his way home,

Saw the wreck

And called 000 too late.

Joe's wife, Amelia,

Put the crosses there

For pity's sake.

Joe put the flowers

From the refectory

At the Slaughterhouse.

My websites: 

www.jenniferrpoulter.weebly.com,

www.jrmcrae-subversive.weebly.com 

LINKS:

Some examples – Journal writing

a.     http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/07/journaling/ 

b.     http://journalforyou.com/tag/journaling/

c.      http://stress.about.com/od/generaltechniques/p/profilejournal.htm

d.     http://www.createwritenow.com/journaling-tips/ 

e.     http://inspiredtojournal.net/

Some web examples of Grief Writing/blogging

http://www.guyfinley.org/free-content/writings/q-and-a/387

http://www.barbarabrabec.com/writing_publishing/Writing-as-Therapy.htm

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/26004-beyond-grief

http://thenightifollowedtheblog.blogspot.com/2011/05/good-grief-writing-through-pain.html

http://conversationswithteddy.com/thoughts/ 

Further Reading:

·      Karen O. Johnson, Griefabet – a book of  survival and coping strategies – wise, ‘wonder’ full, whimsical and life affirming  - small tactics to keep you going.

·      Madelaine Tasky Sharples,  Leaving the Hall Light On - a family’s  journey back after the suicide of  a severely bipolar son/brother

·      Jessica Bell, Twisted Velvet Chains  - a chronicling of a daughter’s experience growing up with a suicidal, bipolar mother.

·      Shirley Pitcher, Conversations with Teddy – first in a series of memoirs about surviving an abusive childhood.

·      John Knight, “Letters from the Asylum” – poems from a poet who fought bipolar all his life.

·      Les Murray, Killing the Black Dog – the poet’s account of struggling with depression lifelong and poems specially selected by the poet.

REVIEW of "Cleave" by Angela Felsted

Cleave  by Angela Felsted - REVIEW by J.R.McRae 

This first chapbook by Angela is a promise of more intriguing, achingly revealing, painful and joyous revelations to come. It is an intensely personal collection. Were it not for the pull of the wonderful imagery, one might flinch from its almost too acutely drawn accounts.

The loss of a parent – “a man holds a little girl’s hand” – gives us the pain and self doubt of a child who feels abandoned by parental separation and yet, in hindsight, cannot deny the feelings in the last contact and memories invoked.

“you think of the hug he ached to give you

filled with sunsets, sandcastles, a warm breeze

handfuls of shells from the sea.

.

First love laid bare – “under waning stars”  and “she came to you as a new bride” - in the hands of a much older man, is as much a diary of betrayal as a rite of passage.

“friends, he called us

in the hushed fervent

voice of a preacher

clasping my body to

his, front against front

like a god fearing man

prays palm against palm.

our shoes made

circles in the dying

leaves. our friendship

dying with them.”

Images of snow/frosting and sunshine/yellow flowers weave through the entire collection, defining its pages and creating a sense of life in all its complexity and contradiction.   Some examples follow -

“daffodil petals unfurling

to the sun, spreading with

the swell of her stomach” [she cried in to the silver delta]

“they shot

through his scalp like new

grass, meadows of gold”

[my grandfather’s hat hid the best of him]

“her baptism like

a swatch of snow-white cotton, taken from the blanket

nurses wrapped her in at birth.”  [when my daughter moves away from me]

and one of my favourite verses –

“in the station, a clock strikes two.

on the platform, snowflakes kiss.

years from now, the girl will leave home

and the snowflakes whirling, falling in her hair

will mirror the stirrings of her

guarded heart: soft, cold, delicate. “ [a man hold’s a little girl’s hand]

Married life is shown as a seesaw of love and disaffection -  “your truth like a water drop” and  “your love like an old well” -

“metal squeals on metal, ropes

stretch, arms ache. the bucket creaks as

i lift it to my lips, tip back my face, wait

for the life-giving deluge of your love.

an avalanche of topsoil falls into my

mouth. why do i always come back?”

Then there is the anguish of motherhood –  “if I refused to cry”, “neurofeedback” and  “sitting in church” – the gigantean effort, the endless wondering and helplessness fed by censorious others,

“and that’s when i sense it: the wary gaze of the

woman in front of us, moving from

my brood  to her four obedient daughters

each with a wide brimmed pale pink hat.

they fold their hands just like their mother’s

silent mannequins in a fancy store window”

The collection starts with “buttercups” and ends with -

“gauzy in the moon's silver-white rays.

naked skin glowing as pale frosting  “

This is a collection that will resonate with women the world over! But keep tissues by and be prepared for the sharp sting of recognition.

STRING BRIDGE by Jessica Bell, Lucky Press - Amazon chart rush

Today is THE day to help Jessica Bell's debut, STRING BRIDGE, hit the bestseller list on Amazon, and receive the all-original soundtrack, Melody Hill: On the Other Side, written and performed by the author herself, for free!

All you have to do is purchase the book today (paperback, or eBook), November 11th, and then email the receipt to:


jessica.carmen.bell(at)gmail(dot)com


She will then email you a link to download the album at no extra cost!

To purchase the paperback:

Amazon USA

To purchase the eBook:

Amazon USA

Amazon UK

To listen to samples of the soundtrack, visit iTunes.

If you are not familiar with String Bridge, check out the book trailer:

Rave Reviews for String Bridge:

“Jessica Bell’s STRING BRIDGE strummed the fret of my veins, thrummed my blood into a mad rush, played me taut until the final page, yet with echoes still reverberating. A rhythmic debut with metrical tones of heavied dark, fleeting prisms of light, and finally, a burst of joy—just as with any good song, my hopeful heartbeat kept tempo with Bell’s narrative.” ~ Kathryn Magendie, author of Sweetie and Publishing Editor of Rose & Thorn Journal

“Poet and musician Jessica Bell's debut novel String Bridge is a rich exploration of desire, guilt, and the difficult balancing act of the modern woman. The writing is lyrical throughout, seamlessly integrating setting, character and plot in a musical structure that allows the reader to identify with Melody's growing insecurity as her world begins to unravel … String Bridge is a powerful debut from a promising writer, full of music, metaphor, and just a hint of magic.” ~ Magdalena Ball, author of Repulsion Thrust and Sleep Before Evening

“Jessica Bell is a brilliant writer of great skill and depth. She doesn't pull back from the difficult scenes, from conflict, pain, intensity. She puts it all out there, no holds barred, no holding back. She knows how to craft a scene, how to develop character, how to create suspense. This is an absolutely brilliant debut novel. I look forward to reading her next novel, and next and next.” ~ Karen Jones Gowen, author of Farm Girl, Uncut Diamonds and House of Diamonds

Connect with Jessica:

String Bridge: http://www.stringbridge.com/
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/jessica_bell
Website: http://www.jessicacbell.com/
Blog: http://thealliterativeallomorph.blogspot.com/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/author.jessica.bell
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/MsBessieBell
Publisher: http://www.luckypress.com

Please TWEET and/or FACEBOOK this post using #StringBridge!

Jessica Bell's "String Bridge" just out with Lucky Press - Author interview

Jessica Bell – interview for  ‘String Bridge” by J.R.McRae

1.     Your music is an important part of your life and the musicality of words is very evident in your writing.  How much inspiration do you draw from music in your writing? What part did music play in inspiring and in shaping “String Bridge”?

Even though music doesn’t define me as much as writing does, yes, it is still a big part of my life. The idea for the book came about when I was thinking about a time in my life when music was all I ever wanted to breathe. Even though my priorities had changed, I still wanted to write about the power music has over someone who is so passionate about it. But I think music could be replaced by any sort of passion in String Bridge, because basically the story is about needing something more than you need yourself.

2.     “String” speaks to me of an unraveling—he deconstruction of a cat’s cradle /string bridge and, of course, of guitar strings.  Was this deliberate?

Absolutely. I wanted the title to symbolize three things:

·      Guitar strings, obviously, as this is the instrument Melody plays.

·      The bridge of the guitar which keeps the guitar in tune. This also symbolizes how well Melody stays mentally in tune throughout the story.

·      The symbolic bridge Melody has to cross to get where she wants to be is made of string, meaning it’s not very secure.

3.     I’ve come to know you through your poetry, which has an edgy rawness but also a lyricism. How important is your poet’s skill to your author role?

Very important. I don’t think I’d write the way I do if I didn’t write poetry. I really enjoy embellishing my prose with the perfect sounding word or phrase. It’s like a game to me sometimes. I have spent hours on one sentence before. I know that is sort of going too far, but I can’t help it. If it’s not right, it not right!

4.     Have you ever found yourself writing a passage and realizing this is also going to result in a poem?  Can you share some examples?

Well, yes. One example is the preface to my novel. I never ‘used’ it as a poem, but it’s definitely very poetic. You can read that here.

5.     Have any of your existing poems inspired passages or even chapters? Can you give examples?

Yes. The following poem ended up being morphed into prose in String Bridge:

Imagine

standing

in the middle

of a field

Imagine

red dirt

Imagine

distance

and more

beyond it

Imagine

searching

for the end

of distance

where the stars

join to it — pins

to a tent in soil

Imagine

looking up

to a cluster

of approving eyes

Imagine

lying naked

beneath them

with him

Imagine

a silence

that echoes

the touch

of your hand

to his cheek

Imagine

existence

being loud

and small

the way

the Sun

lights up

the Earth

Imagine

you are the Earth

and he is the Sun

silence is tangible

and the stars are the souls

of your previous lives

that distance

is the place you’ll find death

where red dirt is your skin

and the field your bones

Imagine

that love

is the desert

6.     All authors bring who they are to their work. How much of who you are informs your work, your characters?

I really don’t think I can give an accurate answer to that question. Sometimes I feel like I’m putting my whole self into my characters until they end up doing something completely out of my character. I guess I come and go I waves. There are moments that reflect me completely and there are others that are nothing like me.

7.     Do you find you emotionally invest in your characters? Have you created a character and later felt, oh no, they would not do that, think that, say that and gone back and reshaped the character accordingly?

Yes. My characters changed in every single draft I wrote.

8.     What initially inspired you to write “String Bridge’? Or was it a series of inspirations that came together?

Definitely a series. It all began with an idea that I wanted to write a book that was realistic rather than glamorous. There is actually nothing left in the novel now that was in the first draft. It’s come a very long way and floated down many different paths during the last five years.

9.     I’m interested in the interplay of the skills you have, you are very multi-skilled! You have written and performed your own soundtrack to “String Bridge” which will be released at the same time as the book. How do you juggle the demands of all your creative outlets—music, poetry, performance, writing? Do you have any tips or tricks you would like to share with readers?

Oh my gosh. I FAIL at juggling. Believe me, I’m always falling over my balls and then realize that they belong to someone else. I go through phases and never focus on more than one thing at one time. It just doesn’t work. And I think it doesn’t work because I must use different parts of my brain for each. Maybe each skill does strengthen the other, but it will only intrude if attempted in the same ‘time period’. So, sorry to disappoint, but I’m afraid I don’t have any tips. I just ‘do’ and then see what happens. And then fix if need be.

UK Amazon link: http://www.amazon.co.uk/String-Bridge-Jessica-Bell/dp/0984631747:/